Tales of a Supposed Magical Green Cow
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: ...Or so the legends say, but when the four mercenaries-Sentinel, Kazemiya, Ranzak, and Phantom go off to Ortel Castle, they find the unexpected.


"Sentinel, you're serious right?" Ranzak, the dual-wielder, stared at the calm woman before him. She was inspecting her sword, twisting it to catch the feeble light from a dim torch nearby. A scythe-wielder nearby dressed in pink and gray hopped lightly onto a piece of broken column, staring off into the darkness of the immense corridor. Behind her, a mage, Phantom, was more interested in balancing herself upon a wooden beam, her lavender Rose Drop beret a bright spot of color among the armored Ranzak and Sentinel.

They had fought past many monsters and deranged soldiers into the depths of Ortel Castle, Kazemiya the scythe-wielder snapping her fingers to slice the enemies through with bloody threads, Phantom blasting everything in sight with her powerful magic arrows, while Sentinel and Ranzak rolled around and slashed with their swords.

Of course, it hadn't been THAT easy.

Phantom didn't know how to dodge and just stood there focusing her magic while a blood knight snuck up behind her and smashed her magic shields into bits.

Ranzak ran into a room with two lovely erg pots, only to be nearly smushed by a lowering ceiling with spikes.

Kazemiya got thrown halfway across one of the rooms thanks to a large, axe-wielding adversary.

And Sentinel simply blocked everything with her usual skill, charging ahead into various rooms as the party advanced further into Ortel Castle.

Now the four were facing a large, dark, derelict hallway, so long that they couldn't see what was at the end. Unfortunately for them, the surprise was ruined by Sentinel, who usually knew everything.

"It's a magical green cow." Kazemiya turned around and widened her eyes at the shield-bearing Sentinel, her scythe dropping from her hands to the floor. Phantom finally fell off the wooden beam with a loud thump, her rosy beret landing over her eyes.

Ranzak crossed his arms. "Sure…does it squirt milk at us?" He raised a skeptical eyebrow. Sentinel sighed. "If you're not going to believe me, I can always leave…" She made for the entrance.

"Hey, Sentinel, we weren't sure, that's all. I mean, who keeps a magical green cow in their…basement?" Kazemiya looked around and added, "It's not you, it's just…the idea itself."

Phantom lifted the beret off her eyes. "Did…you..say…_**MAGICAL GREEN COW**_? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ranzak stared.

Kazemiya closed her eyes.

Sentinel asked; "Who the freak gave this woman iced strawberry brandy again?"

Glas Ghaibleann roared.

"OMFG THAT'S NOT A _**COW**_!" Phantom screamed and mana ambered into a crystal as the immense, 4 armed, horrendous humanoid reached for her. Kazemiya grabbed one end of the crystal and Blinked away in a puff of black smoke as the creature's hand grasped on thin air.

Ranzak, however, was already on a roll. His heartbeat echoed throughout the hall as he transformed into a dark, shiny armor. With spectacular speed he dashed up and began hacking away at Glas's feet. Sentinel pulled out a spear and paused to aim from a safer position.

The two arcane users, however, had taken refuge near a ballista. Kazemiya had conjured up a golem of spears, collected everything sharp and thin she could find, and sent it over to Phantom, who loaded the ammunition and started shooting the monster. The scythe wielder left it to Phantom, and ran to summon a wisp and pull up a mana pistol along the way.

The first to die off was Ranzak, who was a meat shield, and had forgotten that Glas, (in no way resembling a magical green cow) was capable of FLYING and picking up a fighter. Sentinel and Phantom distracted him while Kazemiya pulled over and resurrected the meat shield for the 70th time.

Suddenly, in the midst of the fighting, a strange sound occurred.

The four armed, winged, and extremely irritating Glas Ghaibleann mooed.

"MOOOOOOOOOOO."

Kazemiya, who was about to deliver another Mark of Death, stopped.

Ranzak choked on his Fine Hp Potion.

Sentinel blocked in case there was another attack coming after the mooing.

Phantom dissolved into giggles and halted her barrage of spears.

And the creature began to glow, a bright emerald green that blinded everyone in the vicinity…

He twirled. He stretched. He announced himself as Sailor Moon, he-

Turned into a magical green cow.

"SEE, I TOLD YOU ALL!" Sentinel burst out in a rare display of emotion. The enormous cow mooed and charged for her at astonishing speed. "AGGHHH!" The shield-bearer was sent sailing backwards, and landed incapacitated.

"CRAP!" exclaimed Kazemiya, as she was hit with a blast of magical green milk. After the fog caused by the milk cleared away, Ranzak and Phantom saw a tiny gray cat sitting where Kazemiya had been standing before.

Ranzak swallowed. This was not good.

"MOOOOO! MOO MOO MOO MOOOOOOOOO~" The cow pranced around, glaring with red eyes at the mage and dual wielder.

"Umm, Ranzak?" Phantom tugged on his elbow. "What's it saying?"

"How would I know? Do I look like I speak cow?"

"Maybe it doesn't want us to fight it?"

"THAT THING ATTACKED FIRST!"

"It could have been protective!" Phantom crossed her arms. " Let me give it a try." She walked gingerly around Sentinel's corpse and past kitty-Kazemiya, who ran for Ranzak and leaped onto his shoulder to get a better view of what Phantom was about to do.

"Oh great Glas Ghaibleann, er…holy mother of all cows, patron saint of lactose products, we come to you in peace!" Phantom bowed. The cow stopped and squinted at her, little snorts emanating from the black & white leviathan of a nose. Phantom turned around and gave Ranzak and Kazemiya a thumbs-up. "I think she likes me!"

Kazemiya swished her tail and looked at Ranzak, who shrugged and nearly toppled the scythe-wielder-turned-cat off his shoulder.

Phantom turned back-

The cow opened its mouth-

And the mage was swallowed into the wet dark pink cavern of Glas's mouth.

"MROWWWW!" Kazemiya shrieked from her armored perch. Ranzak dropped his jaw. "PHANTOM!"

The cow gulped.

Kitty and dual wielder stared at the bovine monster, which began to roll its eyes around, and made strange mewling noises.

**BOOOOOM.**

The magical green cow exploded from inside out, splattering Kazemiya and Ranzak, both loudly protesting. When they had wiped the cow blood and guts from their faces, they saw a red covered figure standing in the middle of the cow's remains.

Phantom gushed; **"THAT WAS SO COOL I WOULD TOTALLY DO THAT AGAIN!" **She frantically hopped around, stepping on Sentinel's face in the process. (She had been forgotten-Sentinel was an excellent corpse.)

Kazemiya hopped down and meowed, as she started to glow bright green. Soon, the Vehemence-clad scythe wielder stood in front of Ranzak and Phantom. Ignoring them both, she resurrected Sentinel.

"So what did we even get from this thing anyway?" Ranzak knelt and picked gingerly through the bloody pieces of magical beef. After revealing 4 evil cores, the party received their loot.

"Ha, I got an empowered enhancement stone!" Kazemiya grinned.

"Hey guys, we got the break off." Sentinel held up a feather.

"Ew. I got his pants." Ranzak frowned and tossed them at Phantom, who was staring at something in her hands. She looked up.

"Guys…I got milk."


End file.
